Don't blame me! Blame China...

Some of you may have noticed that i haven't blogged since i left Quito. Some of you may also know that everything on the internet that teeters on interesting or social or that concerns the specifics of the Cultural Revolution is blocked by the CCP...Including blogspot and yahoo answers and youtube and nearly every other useful page that you can surf on the incredible misnomer that is the "WORLD Wide Web." So it goes... So much has happened from me hiking the Inca Trail to being DENIED entry to China to a picture of me appearing in the largest newspaper in Kunming! That said, to recount all that has happened would not only be incredibly boring for all of you who have probably already given up reading this blog anyway, but could hardly do justice to my experiences. But a few highlights--bullet-points are necessary...

1. I was nearly escorted out of Machu Picchu for crossing the practically invisible border in to the ares where the lamas grazed, only after Bridget literally peed her pants from laughing so hard at the tourist reactions to our "lama behavior"--this makes sense in context, i swear. If you would have seen the types and numbers of tourist there you would have reacted in a similar manner...that is, if you're a sane person.

2. So according to my Chinese Visa i was born November 22, 1949 and my last name is Agriswold. So there, Chinese people, with your math skills and all. Kidding, but it was an error of the Chinese Embassy. And after a 15 hour journey from Cuzco, Peru to Los Angeles CA I was prohibited from getting on the flight to China because of the visa. So i waved goodbye to the rest of the group and spent the next day in and out of the Chinese Embassy with one of my leaders. True Fact. And desperately tried to ignore the inevitable culture shock as i walked past Dolce and Gabana and all of the "fashionistas" and saw billboards for "Paranormal Activity" and even ran in to Richard Simons who asked me if i'd worked out that day and after i affirmatively replied he called me a liar. Maybe this trip has made me fatter... I'm glad i got out fast, definitely wasn't ready for that!

3. I perfected my chinese accent. Not the one of the tedious chinese language of course, but the one of Chinese people speaking english, a vital skill to master for all. But really i did learn how to say "can i have forty dumplings?" and "I am America," along with other, useful, phrases in Chinese that helped with my homestay experience. Advise: never eat hotpot, that is unless, you would like your butt-hole to turn into a garden hose, just sayin'.

4. "Chinglish" is that another word that was added to my vocabulary. A mix of Chinese and English, the equivalent of the bull-dog shih-Tsu mix of language--makes no sense and is commonly found on T-shirts (have you ever seen a real one, bull-shih(t) i mean?) Anyway, nearly all chinese apparel is decorated with common phrases like "London, Birthday Cake, Have you any Pink?" and "Imagine Peace with frosting." It's awesome really, because anything makes sense.

5. I ate a spleen, accidentally. i don't want to talk about this...

6. Karaoke is to China and what going to movies is to Americans. Accept you can't go deaf from Brad Pitt (maybe Micheal Bay.) Imagine running over a cat with a hummer again and again to the tube of a toddler pounding on a piano and this is the sound of Chinese Music, at least the music that my middle aged host mother chose to sing. over and over again in a 10 ft by 15 ft karaoke booth. Maybe it's what mainstream rap music is to youth in the US--each song really does sound different to them but to an non-listener it sounds like a sub whiffer with lycris that alternate every synonym of words like bitch, money and guns. Regardless, i was excited to leave after 4 hours in the Karaoke booth.

Okay enough for now, i'll split this up in to a few doses, wouldn't want to bore you, if you've even gotten this far. Something more thoughtful is coming. soon. tomorrow? I'm in India now, by the way. More to come!

THANKS FOR THE PACKAGES!! the blondies survived!

BIG love